ASPERGERS Relationships | How YOU maintain A Relationship (3 TIPS)


so Asperger’s and relationships in this
video I’m gonna share three tips on how you can maintain a relationship coming
up hey guys welcome back to The Aspie World my name is Dan and I have Asperger’s
syndrome ADHD OCD and dyslexia I make weekly videos on this content so if
you’re new around here and you’d like to learn more remember to hit that
subscribe button by hitting the notification Bell Oh also if you’re
watching over on Facebook make sure to hit the like and follow button so you
see daily videos from me in this video I’ll be discussing three tips that I
personally use to help maintain a healthy happy relationship that I’ve had
now for the past 10 years so all that is coming up okay as in all my videos
before I get started I’d just like to read out some comments that you guys had
sent me from Instagram now if you’d like me to read out your question or comment
from Instagram make sure you go below and follow me on Instagram and turn the
notifications on so you know when I ask you to ask me questions and hey you
might actually be in a video just like this okay so the first comment here is
from the creative hermit and they asked can being obsessed with a musician be a
special interest I suppose it can be definitely yes of course economy the
next question here is from Jess stop rain hard to 2:09 and they said I what’s
your favorite genre of music and my favorite genre music is like skate pop
rock pop punk kind of like College American rock high school right I don’t
know I kind of stuff American Pie soundtrack basically okay so the last
comment here is from Irene Kerr and just got FM and they said do you tell new
people you meet that you have ASD or autism basically um that’s an
interesting question I don’t just open it I don’t like be
like hey I’m done I have Asperger’s in or anything like that
I just kind of I talk to them and then if it comes apart if I need to tell them
then I tell them I don’t just kind of I don’t make a point if I just tell them
if I need to basically okay guys a super pumped about this video I think I get
requested this video a lot from like my followers and stuff and you guys
watching right now probably if you already follow me you might have
actually requested this video and I find it super interesting because so a lot of
people ask me this question you know can you do a video on Asperger’s and
relationships and autism and being a relationship and
I basically you know I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for
almost 10 years now and we have a son as well so he’s he’s coming up for just a
year old and people kind of like you know can you make videos on all this
kind of stuff and I am I did a parenting video my first one last week so I’ll
link that below if you’re interested or in a card above here you know what it’s
like being a parent and being on the spectrum but also more importantly I
feel like people want to know how do you maintain a healthy relationship whilst
being on the spectrum I mean if one of you is on the spectrum if both you’re on
the spectrum if you know if the the guy or the girl or both girls with both guys
don’t specially how does all work so I thought I would just kind of do a video
talking about it and also give you guys three tips and the bonus step right at
the end of the video for me from my personal experiences that I feel would
really help everybody so one of the biggest issues I guess that people are
confronted with is that they are finding it difficult to make friends and then
making friends is the first step to making kind of romantic friendships and
that will lead into a full-blown relationship now making friends is a
difficult one if you don’t have a plan a game plan like a gap that’s it to make
friends I did a video all about making friends which I won’t bore you with
right now because our video is quite extensively long and it’s a good one
though it’s a great one if you want to start there with trying to make friends
and stuff like that so I’ll link that below or in a card above here as well so
you guys can check out how to make friends kind of like pact I made but it
starts with making friends if you can make friends and you’re confident and
making friends and you can make romantic relationships you know from those
friendships if that’s where it’s gonna go now how do you maintain a
relationship with somebody if you’re invested in them as a partner or a
boyfriend or a wife or a husband or whatever and it’s all down to like a few
different factors now for me it’s I’m lucky in the fact that like Naomi my
partner you know she is a specialist she has a first degree honors and autism and
Asperger syndrome for like childhood studies and children and things like
that so she can understand me way more than like the average typical person
would but needless to say we still have our issues just like anybody else would
be it this is not me saying to you guys that hey you know the first partner you
go with needs to have a degree in autism to understand you and that’s not what
I’m trying to say I was just saying like from my experience this is what’s kind
of helping me a little bit more than the typical kind of like couple but let’s go
on to like what I believe are tips that I
gonna definitely help so I made a kind I just made a small list of like three
things and I checked like a bonus one in which we’ll talk about at the end
because it’s thought it was kind of cool so the first one is communication right
and he like okay down communication but the communication is so so interesting
because communication is the one thing that we all know that we need to work on
in any relationship regardless of a neurotypical on your diverse right but
everybody forgets about it like everyone forgets about communication I find this
fascinating if you make sure that you understand conversations correctly
arguments can just fizzle out so when you get into rouser arguments or
disagreements on stuff it’s usually because one person wants one thing one
person wants another thing and I never gets on but the argument comes from the
fact that the two people in that conversation don’t understand what each
other is saying this simple communication right when you’re in a
relationship with an autistic person the autistic person will definitely have
communication issues and some of those issues will be in the form of not
understanding the flow of a conversation especially if it’s heated especially if
one of them is getting anxious on both answers or vice-versa
it’s kind of like you have to understand the pieces of the puzzle to then resolve
it you’re going to take a drink color so this comes down to this my advice is if
you or your partner on the spectrum make sure that everybody involved in that
conversation knows everything that is happening there because far too often
what happens is you’ll be in a conversation with your partner so if
you’re in the spectrum and you’re talking to somebody then you won’t
understand what they’re saying properly so you’ll just say something that might
anger them or it’s completely off off the chart so that’s nothing to do with
it and then it’ll make it look like you’re not listening to them and it’s
gonna cause a whole huge like argument in a row right it’s gonna go crazy now
if you on the other hand you’re the receiving this information and your
patterns on the spectrum and they don’t seem to understand the flow of the
conversation or they go off topic just bear in mind that they are not going off
topic because they don’t like you or they’re trying to notch and resolve the
issue they’re basically enough topic because
they haven’t really grasped the gist of the conversation so my advice would be
to write it down or get a diagram start drawing out pictures I know it sounds
like boring and montine that one’s thinking like what I’m gonna do I’m
gonna get on notepad in the middle of us like heated arguably like throwing
things on you like but you know it’s just stop it getting
to that level get out a pattern pen write down and draw small images of
what’s going on because visually things could be way more explained than they
can orderly because one of the things I know is that like whenever no me tries
to explain something to me choices like draw a small picture and write it down
because I can’t really get the what she’s saying just verbally I’m just like
a wine how much was some tunnel that means so that is number one making sure
everybody understands exactly what’s going on and use of visual
representations because they are gonna help you understand so much more easier
okay so number two this one’s kind of interesting and and it’s a it’s an
obvious one but again people forget about it it’s being open and honest like
autistic people have an issue expressing their emotions right how do they
communicate their emotions like how are they conveying their emotions and stuff
how do they feel about certain situations and that can be difficult but
if you’re open and honest and you just lay your cards on say okay look I’m the
autistic person and so on you know in this situation so I’m really okay I’m
gonna tell you exactly how I feel on my emotions on everything and this is all I
can explain because this is my relationship with it and that’s what I’m
gonna tell you then the other person can like understand you them because you’ve
been completely open and honest and vice versa if you’re in a relationship with
an autistic person then tell them how you feel
open and honestly telling your emotions town like your your feeling for that day
on how you feeling because being an open honest relationship and being completely
transparent with everything is it gonna help you so much more because you’re
gonna understand each other way more right you’re gonna know all this
person’s feeling down today because they told me I don’t have to guess anything
cuz that’s another thing people in relationships forget that they just do
have to tell people how they feel no one’s just gonna you know magically know
what they’re talking about especially not if they have an autism spectrum
diagnosis because that’s never gonna happen those unwritten kind of like cues
and stuff I just gonna miss so being completely open transparent and honest
about everything it’s gonna give you great results and it’s gonna help you to
no end okay so number three is a personal favorite of mine and I love
doing this this is keeping on track of special event so if you’ve done
something like you had a birthday or your birthday party or whatever then
taking pictures at that time or whatever the event is and then remembering about
I like writing it down keeping kind of like a journal on it to then talk about
again so that if it comes up again you’ll be like oh I remember
they enjoyed this at that time and that worked really well so then I can go
forward in the future and if it becomes their birthday or something else or they
want to go somewhere I remember that they enjoyed this specific time because
it was special right keeping a relationship romantic and keeping that
communication open with your loved one and can be super stressful if you’re on
the autism spectrum and you don’t really understand all these social norms so
what I do is I have like a calendar on my iPad that has like all the special
events like Valentine’s Day like birthdays and stuff like that and like
Christmastime and whatever all like the holidays and stuff where you are
compelled to do these things that I would usually forget about because it’s
not actively on my mind because like it’s just something that might shot to
memories rubbish apart I can’t like remember to do things so I have to write
them down and do them a bit later now what this does is it gives you the
ability to then plan ahead for these events so you don’t forget and you can
make that effort because you’ve already known about it one of the things I used
to slip into is I’d forget these events could it be so busy with like my work
and whatever else and then I forget these events and I’m like oh my goodness
not one because I don’t love my partner or I didn’t want to share some love or
do anything like that was because I just simply don’t have the capacity to
remember to do those things so I have to write them down so keep a track of
special events birthdays and all that kind of jazz because it’s definitely
gonna benefit you in the long run guys if you think this video can help
somebody please give it a share hit a share button down below and share it on
social media Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or whatever you feel that this
could be shared and I would be forever grateful because I feel like it would be
awesome to just help other people out okay so I told you guys I promised I was
going to do a bonus tip right at the end of the video so I’m gonna do the bonus
tip right now so this is kind of like a tip for somebody who is dating an
autistic person so if you’re dating somebody who has an autism spectrum
diagnosis then why not do this why not read up on how they interact with their
emotions so do some research into how artistic people behave with emotional
kind of like distress or how they interact with their emotions how do they
display their emotions all that kind of stuff because you gotta remember that
people on the autism spectrum that facial features and their voice the tone
of voice may not always match how that feeling right
so my girlfriend always is like why are you so angry all the time like I’m not
angry I’m absolutely happy as ever but my face is very kind of like
straightened you know just angry kind of like when
I’m just doing nothing I’m and so she thinks I’m angry all the time but I’m
not it’s just that my my facial expressions don’t really convey how I’m
feeling what my emotions are so I would just read up on how you can spot those
things or how you can just reset like how do sick people deal with emotional
interaction and that will help benefit you in so many ways okay guys if you’ve
enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up and I’ll see you next time
peace

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